N.Y.C.T.A Rule Violation 21 N.Y.C.R.R. Part 1050
Dear Officer Menendez,
As you wrote my ticket tonight, I sat on the wooden bench in the subway stop, too dejected to argue with you. Maybe you felt bad as the tears rolled down my cheeks. As you wrote, I went from feeling sad and angry to feeling nothing, and I thank you for that. After all, what is the point of feeling? You probably didn’t want to give me that ticket. I was just a tired girl trying to get home after a long day. I leaned up against the side of the subway and pulled my feet up to my chest, violating a sanitation regulation. But you had to, it’s your job and feelings will get you nowhere.
That’s if you’re lucky. Most of the time they just get you hurt. I admire you for having the strength to disconnect yourself from your feelings. Your example has helped me reach the decision to do the same, in the only way I know how. I’ve written out instructions for my family for disposing of my possessions and my remains. I have begun trying to write an explanation for them but I just can’t seem to get it right. But somehow, I think you will understand so I leave you with this, my last act among the living.
Sincerely,
Lisa Goldsmith
I sealed the envelope and dropped it in my building’s outgoing mail. My shoes were pinching my pinkie toe into the next one over and it was starting to break the skin. But, whatever, if I was going to get fines on the subway, I may as well take cabs. Less walking means hotter shoes.
