April 2011
1 post
Autobiography
I was born in soggy Seattle, where no one really minded the rain or getting wet. In third grade I moved to Rome, Italy. In fifth grade I went to Italian school where my teacher was a nun who also doubled as a soccer commentator. One day Daniele Lombardi was teasing me, and I had my automatic umbrella with the duck-head handle in hand so I popped it open in his face. It didn’t hit him, but...
July 2010
1 post
Alcor Waiting Room
Aside from being excessively white, the room does not look like the kind of place where people wait to die. Even its whiteness is offset by the bean-bag chairs and trimming all in primary colors, which remind her of a Google office reception area. For that matter so do the geeky entertainment choices: a Nintendo 4th Dimension, a coffin-sized chest of legos, some miniature remote-control...
June 2010
1 post
Lunar Exposure (Part I)
The twins leapfrogged up the enclosed sidewalk while Cristina— who, having been born on the moon, was not particularly excited by the low gravitational pull— lackadaisically followed behind them. Aubrey purposely placed her hand too low on Durf’s back as she vaulted over him, so that she would be forced to smack him in the back of his head to make her landing. Durf, in turn,...
May 2010
1 post
Creative Process (Part 3)
Murder is never an easy thing to describe. Often when humans kill another human we attribute motives to them, implicitly admitting that to a certain extent we can relate to their actions. When humans kill and animal though, it seems harder to understand. Especially when the human in question is a placid and well-liked private-school boy with a passion for aesthetics.
Hudson was not a...
April 2010
3 posts
Resistance is Futile
Good Evening. I am honored to be here, on this important occasion.
Each year, a select few are inducted into the National Screenwriters Guild of America and take a solemn oath to protect the American Language.
This induction is not taken lightly, for we place in your hands our what differentiates us humans from everything else on this planet: our ability to communicate with one-another.
The...
to keep and bear arms
I sliced at the screen door with my exacto-knife and bent the flimsy latch, which was kinda tough with dentist gloves on. I tried to keep this part as quiet as I could. You had to time these things just right.
Next, I applied a few cuts to the paint job on the actual door.
My cell was buzzing. I had my landline forwarded so that if anyone called me, I had an alibi. Of course, it...
Three Girls Walk Into A Bar....
Cindy Shin picked the booth on the main floor of the bar, the one just in front of the corner booth, where she’d be visible but not on display. Her clothes matched this tactic: short denim skirt, boots (no heals), and a tight-fitting v-neck t-shirt that might draw the eye to her more-ample-than-your-average-Asian-chick chest. It was still a little early for anyone of much interest to be...
March 2010
2 posts
Delirium Tremens
At least when they drop you in a cot for the night you know the rats eatin you feet ain’t real. You don’t know, you too fucked up to know anything, but, you know, you know? There gotta be some part of somethin that know rats don’t go with white sheets, and white sheets are real, so rats ain’t. Depends where the cot at maybe. If you in a hospital the smell don’t go...
Everywhere.
Tonight’s prospect is gorgeous, petite, curvy, with big teeth, just a little buck. My goal is to reign it in and listen to her throughout; got most of the built-up chattiness out with some friendly folks on the subway. This one gave me her number in my hat, and most of those ones go for me because they want a guy who can shut up and listen, so that’s what I’m doing.
Then I...
February 2010
2 posts
Faces-Wash
The parents walked into my office. This time, they promised, they had finally figured out how to commercialize their kid(s) beyond the medical studies.
Dim lights, full screen on the monitor.
[Open scene; a white, naturally lit bathroom; we see a teenage girl standing in profile, looking in the mirror, singing into a toothbrush in the hand closer to the camera, which is slowly circling to a...
The Creative Process Part 2B
His heavy-lidded, dark-blue eyes were topped by fair blond eyebrows, which, if visible at all, were thin and perfectly curved, providing his face with a feminine prettiness. The shape of his face did not lend him any further masculinity: his cheekbones and chin formed a heart shape, and his jaw was a touch soft. His future-granddaughter Delilah had a similarly soft jawline. But her eyebrows...
January 2010
11 posts
Creative Process part 2a
Hudson squeezed his eyes shut in one last attempt to recall the image that was the source of his future glory. Only a gauche image of Pocket, the yapping Chihuahua, adorned with jewels like a pet embalmed in an Egyptian tomb, would consolidate in those blurred pixels. He gave up.
The French Workbook in front of him provided little distraction from what he was beginning to conceive of as...
Eggcorn →
Gaycation (part I)
Luis Javier Padilla Rodriguez, or Luisa as those in the know called him, felt his eyelashes grow a millimeter for every mile he got closer to the airport. The steering wheel worked his wrists like boiling water on spaghetti. His walk from the office to his car had been a brisk stride. From the long-term parking to the terminal was more of an elegant glide. These were the signs of a small-town...
Yankees and Clones
The ‘Clones are called such because they are designed to be a bioengineered superteam made up of cloned baseball greats of generations past. Unfortunately, as we all know, human cloning technology has yet to be perfected and some of these experiments went slightly awry with varying results. The lucky ones simply aren’t as good as their forefathers. Others have hideous and improbable...
Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo... →
Creative Process part 1
The homework apartment’s internet was shut off unless Hudson had a research assignment to do, so he was stuck with old fashioned day dreaming. He chewed at the calluses on his fingertips. The classical guitar lessons were starting to harden them. But he didn’t want to be a classical guitarist. He wanted to be an artist. To create beauty. Something more fundamental than producing...
The Gift of the Magi
Chris fiddled with the mouse trap, setting it and snapping it with a fork. Dumb mice. Chris was faster than that. He snapped it again, this time trying to pull the fork out in time for it not to get caught. The tip of it remained under the wire. Only because the fork was so long though. He adjusted his grip closer to the tip of the fork, to pull it out more quickly. Nope, still caught....
Recalculating
“Left in 200 feet. “Left in 100 feet. “Sharp Left. “Slight Left. “Hard Left.” “Keep going.” “Yea? You like that?” “Yea, baby, tell me how to get home.” “Proceed one quarter mile then right onto Seaman Boulevard. “Right in 300 feet “Right in 200 feet “Right in 100 feet.” “Uh, yea, baby, fuck, you’ve got me so close, keep going.”
“Hard left on to Cummings Street in 200 feet. ...
Desiring-Bodies and Imagining-Bodies
Installment #2 of the Space Adventures of Bodak Thorn Series
by Gtron
Bodak Thorn’s MDO pod was roughly egg-shaped, and was painted the usual WHEAT-O Navy camouflage, which meant that it was black with little incandescent yellow dots, clouds and spirals, obviously, because it was a space navy. It was called the “Space Navy” (“Armada d’spacio” in the official WHEAT-O language of Spanglish), even...
The Vaccine
I DON’T WANNA GO TO KINDERGARTEN! Kip didn’t have to do this!
Yes he did, says momma. All kids do if they want to go to kindergarten. Think of the clay art Kip brings home. And the big-kid books he gets to read, that you always want to read. It’s just one little pinch before you get to go to kindergarten.
NO NO NO NO NO NO. I CHANGED MY MIND. I will stay home and be good...
Let's Go Roadkill! (thumbs up)
We write for readers who know there’s more to travel than scenic buildings and exotic food. We write for readers who believe that travel can change both themselves and those around them. This book is dedicated to those critters whose lives have been not just changed, but transformed, by travel: roadkill.
Whether you’re on a roadtrip or a bike tour, our dearly departed fuzzy friends...
December 2009
12 posts
Bodak Thorn of DRD C-72
Installment #1 of the Space Adventures of Bodak Thorn Series
by Gtron Bodak Thorn, missle defense observer 7th class, Western Hemisphere Treaty Organization (WHEAT-O) Navy, represented the latest in hemispherical defense budgeting and accounting technology. The WHEAT-O Navy had selected him from amongst 0.98 million western hemispherical citizens whose thinking-concentration index (THINKCI...
Saving Face
I lifted the paperweight from my desk and threw it in the trashcan across the room. Got up, took it out, and put it back. It wasn’t a paperweight so much as a rock my daughter drew on and gave to me for Christmas. But it kept me occupied. That, and drinking enough water to kill my kidneys so that I could hit the men’s room to break up the endless hours of document review and on...
N.Y.C.T.A Rule Violation 21 N.Y.C.R.R. Part 1050
Dear Officer Menendez,
As you wrote my ticket tonight, I sat on the wooden bench in the subway stop, too dejected to argue with you. Maybe you felt bad as the tears rolled down my cheeks. As you wrote, I went from feeling sad and angry to feeling nothing, and I thank you for that. After all, what is the point of feeling? You probably didn’t want to give me that ticket. I was just a...
Broken Stars
He was wearing a brown corduroy sports coat and had some thick stubble. He was actually pretty attractive. She checked her boobs, ran her hand through her hair and sipped her vodka tonic from a cocktail straw as she walked over to him. But when she got there, she noticed the star above his head was broken.
She tried to tell him, but he didn’t seem to get what she was saying. The music...
The Breakthrough
The steam from the test tube fogged up my safety glasses. Between the florescent light and long hours, my eyes could barely focus anyway. I needed a shave. The project had been going for almost three years, and the NIH was not going to renew our grant without a breakthrough. Probably time to wipe the white board and start brainstorming again. Maybe revisit the data first. No, run the...
variations on a domestic scene
“Moooooom! When’s hairtime? I haven’t had hairtime since this morning!” whined Belmyra, dragging her pink skull and crossbone Converse clad feet until she plopped on the floor. Her “what is fashion?” t-shirt and black skinny jeans were getting covered in dust. “What’s that?” I responded, “I thought I heard someone say something, but it must not have been to me because I...
The Prettiest Coat Hanger
The air stung my hands as I opened mailbox. My body was practically convulsing with the cold, but that was a good sign. It meant I was keeping the winter weight off. On with the morning routine: grab the mail, separate the envelopes, chuck the catalogs into the recycling bin, back into the house. Hat goes in coat pocket, coat goes on hanger, snap top snap, coat goes in facing front door. ...
Someone Likes Coffee Even More Than You
Maritza Mrak-Blumberg was ready. Button check: all buttoned. Zipper up: good. Keys check wallet check phone check phone ring level (medium loud) check keys check. To be completed: unchain then undeadbolt (she smirks at the zombie joke at this part of the process), walk through door then lock it, put hands in pockets (she sews pockets into all of her dresses just for this step) look both ways...
variations on a domestic scene
It was time to send Juanita to fetch Hudson from his homework apartment for dinner. I could just send a holographic message, but sending the maid makes it feel so much more homey. Hudson would be delighted with the Rembrandt I made for dinner, and the Murano glass for desert! I placed the painting on a serving tray and messaged Jon to see if he’d be joining us. He appeared back in a...
the farthest I ever got was octuple stuf →
variations on a domestic scene
“Kids! Dinner!” I shouted, hitting the triangle. The house isn’t so big that we need a triangle, just two bedrooms and the living area, but I always thought it added a touch of class, like the real wooden floor we put in the girls’ room. The boys don’t mind the dirt, plus when it rains they get to have mudfights without leaving the house!
Norma, Sue, Genie, Billy, Bobby and...
Get your D triple C Now!
Having trouble getting out of bed? Can’t seem to work up the energy to finish up that renovation project? Just too tired to start that term paper? We’ve got the solution for you! For three easy payments of $24.95 you can have your very own 1996 Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader Clone! Let one of these lovely ladies lead you to victory just like they led the Dallas Cowboys to the Superbowl...